On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
her vagine was all disorganized.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
