its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
