tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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