At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
