Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
