Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
how does that bad decision feel?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
