I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
