So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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