Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
