It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
they're like a gay fantastic four
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
