thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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