I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
