clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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