Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
