I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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