My sheets look like a crime scene.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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