Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
