On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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