I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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