Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
