I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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