God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
