If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
