I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
