are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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