): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
