in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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