he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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