Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
