I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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