I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
