but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
