the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
