She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
