i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
