Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
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Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
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It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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