Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
