is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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