And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Randomize
