He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
soo... how was my night?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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