Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
he's single and there are thong briefs.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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