her vagine was all disorganized.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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