mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
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All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
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Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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