i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
