his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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