Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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