I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
