butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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