I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
