a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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