When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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