I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
