Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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