After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize