it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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