You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
