apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
