Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
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