i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
