the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i will never coherently bang her
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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