so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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