wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
