That's when you crack a 10am beer
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I FOUND THE LEGS
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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