She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
